Sex is a natural act that brings us together to connect intimately for pleasure and procreation. It can be a wonderful activity, whether a casual encounter or a long-term relationship. While our bodies are designed for sex, it may also be a negative experience.
Why don’t I enjoy sex? That may be a question you ask yourself. Losing the desire, or never having it, is a real problem some people face, and several reasons cause it. Here is why you don’t enjoy sex.
Past Trauma
Negative events in the past linger on throughout your life and can negatively affect your present experiences. These include:
- Bullying
- Sexual assault
- Physical abuse
- Verbal abuse
These traumas set up a wall as a barrier to physical and intimate contact, even with those you love. If you are not interested in sex for any of these reasons and want to get past it, you can meet with a counsellor to address past experiences and work towards resolving your feelings towards sex.
You Don’t Like Your Body
We are inundated with the perfect body in tv and movies and on the cover of every magazine, and it can be hard to live up to those standards. People come in all shapes, sizes, and fitness levels, which could be why you don’t want to get intimately involved with another person.
Realize that we are all beautiful and nobody is perfect. In fact, perfect doesn’t exist because it is all subjective. Learn to love your body how it is, or make healthy changes. Either way, sex is enjoyable, regardless of your body type, and you will find that other people will love your body too.
It’s Painful To Have Sex
Sometimes, if you’ve had painful sex, you don’t want to bother if it’s just going to hurt again. Unless you have a condition that makes intercourse uncomfortable, there are things you can do to make it pain-free, including:
- Foreplay
- Lubricants
- Masturbating beforehand
Make sure you are fully aroused before having penetrative sex. Beyond that, you can have lots of pleasure without intercourse, and it is fun and exciting to explore your body to find erogenous zones that feel amazing.
Sex Isn’t Fun
Don’t enjoy sex? Maybe you need some toys to get things flowing. Sex toys are a great way to have fun solo or with your partner and are designed to stimulate your body to make intimacy feel great. Visit a sex toy store and try experimenting.
Start with a personal device and stimulate yourself to have a positive sexual experience. Then when you are ready, bring in a partner and share the fun with the toys involved. You don’t have to use them whenever you are sexually connecting, but they are a great way to rediscover the joy of sex.
Sex is meant to be enjoyed, so discover what you need to unlock your sexual potential. Be patient with yourself and get to know your body intimately and then when you are ready, introduce that sexy body to someone else.
You Aren’t Sexually Attracted to Your Partner
Most relationships start with a physical attraction that leads to a sexual relationship, and the intimacy intensifies with sex. While this may be common, it is certainly not the rule. If you aren’t interested in having sex with your partner, let them know.
You may want a partner that stimulates you intellectually and can even have a deep attraction and love without intercourse. This works for some people, and you are good to go as long as everyone is on the same page.
Other reasons you may not be interested in sex right now are:
- Pregnancy
- Stress
- Lack of sleep
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Resenting your partner
- Hormonal fluctuations
You Feel Stigma About Your Sexual Desires
Your sexual wants and needs are your own, but they can be enjoyed with others who share those desires. You should never feel shame for the type of sex you want, regardless of what anyone or society has told you.
Sexuality is a wide spectrum, and whatever you like, be it a kink, sexual fantasy or anything else, you are free to express that with other like-minded people.
You Prefer Intimacy in Other Ways
Intimacy is more than intercourse; you can be close to your partner without crawling under the sheets. Having a sensual relationship is a good place to start, and this includes:
- Holding hands
- Giving massages
- Kissing
- Hugging
- Sexting
- Oral sex
Connecting in these ways may regain your sexual desire and be ready to have penetrative sex again.
Communication is vital to maintaining a healthy relationship and includes a great sex life. Let your partner know how you feel and what you need from them. If they love you, they will do whatever it takes to restore your desire.
