At first thought, you might guess there are hundreds of reasons that married couples might go their separate ways. In reality, however, there are usually common threads that lead couples to divorce—similar issues and breakdowns in communication that wreak havoc on a marriage.
While some couples seek counselling and are able to work through their challenges, others see no other option to divorce. No matter what the circumstances in your marriage, rest assured—there are others who have gone through similar experiences and while every marriage is unique, you are not alone.
Perhaps you’ve got separation on your mind, or you are worried about your own marriage or that of loved ones. Here is a common list of reasons people get a divorce:
Reason #1: Conflicts Over Money
So much in life comes down to money. When a couple has fundamentally different views on money—how to save, how to spend, what’s worth buying—they are almost certainly destined for arguments on the subject.
If money is tight within a marriage, or if one person makes considerably more than the other, there can be added stressors that can lead to long-term disagreements. Make sure you handle the financial matters delicately during a divorce, preferably through the help of a family lawyer.
Reason #2: Substance Abuse
Substance abuse within a marriage, whether alcohol or drug related, can be a common reason people get a divorce. The impact of substance addiction is far-reaching and often damaging to relationships of all descriptions. If the partner needing help refuses to seek assistance for their addiction, or if they repeatedly fall off the wagon, it is hard for the family around them to trust their actions or intentions. As a result, substance abuse is universally a common cause of divorce.
Reason #3: Physical or Emotional Abuse
Another deal breaker can sometimes be more difficult to admit to or even spot—emotional or physical abuse. Often, in an abusive marriage, the abuser breaks down their partner’s self-confidence and works to create a power differential between them. If you, or someone you know, are in a relationship with physical or emotional abuse, seek the help of trusted friends and authorities; make sure you do not endure this treatment alone.
Reason #4: Infidelity
Of course, one of the most obvious dealbreakers in a marriage is infidelity. When one partner breaks their vows—whether one time or repeatedly—a level of trust is inherently broken. Unless both partners agree to work hard—likely with the assistance of a qualified therapist—to get past the feelings of betrayal and misunderstanding, the damage caused by infidelity can easily lead to divorce.
Reason #5: Breakdown in Communication
This broad category causes marital strife for a wide range of reasons. When partners stop communicating effectively, it’s easy for both to make assumptions or get caught up in their own fears or plans. While one partner may take silence as permission to act in a specific way, the other may feel unappreciated for their sacrifices. At the root of many marital issues, a breakdown in communication is common among couples who end up divorced.
Reason #6: Blame Mindset
Of course, when you think of a couple that might be likely to get divorced, you might think of a pair that is constantly at each other, arguing over things big and small. While arguing can be a visible symptom of a marital breakdown, there is often a disconnect below the surface, a tendency to blame the other for life circumstances and general unhappiness. When this mindset is in place, partners can easily drift apart, feeling unappreciated and disconnected.
Reason #7: Lack of Intimacy
Another clue that a marriage could be in trouble is when a couple acts more as roommates than loving, emotionally-connected partners. Intimacy includes both a physical connection and an emotional one, in which feelings are openly shared. A couple that has lost their sense of intimacy holds back on their dreams, hopes and fears. They also risk losing respect for one another more easily, a common precursor to divorce.
Reason #8: Growing Apart
Sometimes, people simply grow apart over time. Many couples seeking divorce find that they are simply different people than they were when they married—perhaps they married young or have been through significant challenges. Often, a trauma will impact one person quite differently than the other, leading to very different perspectives and interests. In short, there are a wide range of reasons people drift apart over the years; many subtle changes, over time, can break down communication and lead to divorce.
Everyone enters marriage with high hopes and the best of intentions. But, let’s face it—there are many reasons people get a divorce and some marriages are simply not meant to last. Over time, life events, a breakdown in communication or a loss of trust can lead to arguments, emotional damage and feelings of isolation.
