It’s not the biggest nor the best attraction-turned-haunted-house in Southern California, but the Queen Mary’s Shipwreck Halloween Terror Fest is definitely worth your money. For starters, any excuse to board the ol’ majestic ship is reason enough for me—not to mention the boat is reportedly haunted, which makes this annual Halloween event all the more creepy. (If only the people behind Shipwreck could—I don’t know—incorporate that into the mazes?) The place is also the best case scenario for dudes on a date: the monsters pick on the ladies more than the men, which means your screaming date will be attached to your arm at all times.

This year’s spook-a-thon includes seven mazes on and off the ship, dance parties where high school girls make you feel like a perv and performances by live bands I’ve never heard of. Those looking to get real scared—and not guy-with-a-mask-jumping-at-me scared—should stay on the ship as much as possible. There is nothing more frightening in Long Beach than that damn propeller room. One walk through that eerie hallway of musty scent pays for the admission tenfold.

Off the boat, the best attraction is the House of Hallucinations. Guests are given 3-D glasses before entering a world where your acid flashbacks feature the clown from It. But the most compelling reason to visit Shipwreck is because it’s in our backyard, and Halloween is way better than any other holiday. Just like Anton LaVey promoted: indulge yourself and bask in all things Halloween, because before you know it, there’ll be assholes ringing bells outside the pharmacy where you pick up your asthma meds.

Finally, a few things to know before going: teenagers are everywhere; and costumes, cameras and recording devices aren’t allowed. But why would anyone bring those, anyway? What, are you a fucking dork? $35

SHIPWRECK HALLOWEEN TERROR FEST | 1126 QUEENS HWY | LONG BEACH 90802-6390 | 562.435.3511 | QUEENMARYSHIPWRECK.COM

Tags: halloween, Queen Mary, shipwreck, To Do