Shop till you drop

ILLUSTRATION by JOE MCGARRY
Recent news reports have suggested that Al Qaeda operatives are planning to attack Southern California shopping malls during the Christmas rush. This news is—to coin a phrase—terrifying, since bomb-/gun-/pointy-stick-toting terrorists would mean additional competition for mall parking spaces . . . HEY! I WAS WAITING FOR THAT SPOT, DINGUS! [...]

Usher coming to Lakewood. Make sure you sit on the groom’s side.

Al-Qaeda and adjustable rate mortgages
The FBI announced yesterday it had received a tip that Al-Qaeda is planning to attack shopping malls in L.A. and Chicago during the holiday shopping season. The FBI also announced it considered the tip unreliable, and had no real information about any mall attacks. Since the second announcement completely undermines the [...]