Tues | Mar 4 The Long Beach City Council votes unanimously to “reevaluate” the hundreds of thousands of dollars it spends with the Press-Telegram every year, now that the paper will be operated by the publisher of the Daily Breeze in Torrance. But, despite the paper’s drastic personnel cuts and loss of editorial control—which Mayor Bob Foster summed up as a “death spiral”—P-T Editor Rich Archbold tells KFWB that the changes are actually making the paper “stronger.” By that definition, some of the strongest things around include: the sub-prime mortgage industry, the Memphis Grizzlies and the Black Knight from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Watch your ankles, Los Angeles Times!

Wed | Mar 5 I don’t care what you claim as your party affiliation—Democrat, Republican, Progressive Wiccan—you had to feel sorry for John McCain Wednesday. The Republican nominee for president was forced to go to the White House to accept the endorsement of George W. Bush, which is sort of like getting an endorsement from the guy who invented genital warts. In the worst days of his captivity in Vietnam, I wonder if McCain ever wanted to be somewhere else more than he did yesterday, photographed next to the President Whose Name Should Not Be Mentioned by Republican Candidates because, as the Associated Press put it so succinctly, “his job performance rating is at a low point and he is unpopular with the general public.” Which is why on at least two occasions in his speech “thanking” Bush for his support, McCain mentioned that Bush would probably be too busy to be out campaigning with him—“I hope that the president will find time from his busy schedule to be out on the campaign trail with me.” Yes, busy. Where is the president who’s taken more than 400 vacation days (surpassing previous vacation record holder Ronald Reagan after just four and a half years in office) going to find any time to campaign? Of course, we know that what McCain was really saying was “I hope that the president will find time to have himself shot into space where he will never be seen or heard to mention my name again. As for today, I call upon all patriotic Progressive Wiccans to erase the events of this day from the national memory. You know, like they did with that Two Coreys reality show.”

Thurs | Mar 6 I like Corey. Not so much Corey.

Fri | Mar 7 The estate of Bob Cole donates $16.4 million to Cal State Long Beach’s music department. Cole, who made his money in real estate, was an amateur piano player and his money will be used to provide scholarships to student musicians. Also, the music department gets gold toilets and premium toilet paper (known in Europe as “the dollar”). Now, 16 mil may seem like a lot, but with the present cost of education it will fund only two scholarships and then only if the two students don’t eat much and agree to sleep under the Pyramid, you know, like the Phantom of the Pyramid and Paul Williams. Actually, the 16 million is believed to be the greatest single gift to Cal State Long Beach since someone pointed out that refried brown was not an appropriate school color.

Sat | Mar 8 Long Beach Wilson High’s Ruth Mohr-Silofau receives the Teacher of the Year award from the California Assn. for Health, Physical Education, Recreation and Dance (two years tap, three years jazz). Mohr-Silofau has been a teacher at Wilson for 21 years and is noted for her enthusiasm and high-energy approach to fitness. That approach includes some alternative forms of exercise such as country line dancing. Of course, with today’s sedentary teens, just about anything qualifies as alternative exercise: “going outdoors” for one, “not spending the entire afternoon lying prone” for another. It’s also been noted that Mohr-Silofau doesn’t look like the typical P.E. teacher. The Rossmoor resident counts as one of her fitness mantras “If you look good, you feel good” (okay, then ’splain Lindsay Lohan) and though she works out hard, she does so wearing lipstick and blush. Coincidentally, I had a high school P.E. teacher who worked out wearing the very same stuff. I wonder what ever happened to Mr. Voorhees? That dude made the bitchenest lemon squares!

Sun | Mar 9 Just to show they have a sense of humor about the whole thing, the Press-Telegram, which recently stripped down to just 10 reporters, asks in its online poll: “Are you worried about being downsized?” Hard to tell if that’s a question or a threat?

Mon | Mar 10 An investigation by the Associated Press finds that the drinking water supplies of at least 41 million Americans, including Southern Californians, contain elements of a vast array of prescription drugs. Well, that would explain the four-hour erections, though not why they only occur when I’m watching Paul Moyer. Or eating lemon squares.

Tags: drinking water, lemon squares, paul moyer, prescriptions, press telegram