Holy Driver

ILLUSTRATION by BOB AUL

It was a Sabbath-afternoon miracle: First, you, in your hulking, taupe-colored Hummer nearly scraping the side of my car as you cut in front of me. I slammed on my brakes when I caught sight of your license plate—“GODTANK”—and prayed that my car wouldn’t slam into your vehicle of God. So it must’ve been by some heavenly force that I stopped short right as you zipped into another lane. But you were only half of it. A few hours later, I was coming up Second Street when it happened again—same ugly Hummer, same reckless abandon. I took a look at the license plate—“GZUZFRK”—and hit my brakes even harder. As you cut into another lane, I thanked whoever I could think of (certainly not God this time around) that I survived your little congregation of gas-guzzling evangelists.

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