Sane Asylum

ILLUSTRATION by BOB AUL

You took your kids out of perfectly terrific schools to give them “a taste of the real world”—in rural Mexico. But your experiment has blown up like hydrochloric acid and Milk of Magnesia in a test tube. Turns out part of the real world is shitty schools and dumb-ass peasants—and lots of drugs. You could have found that in Kansas. Now your kids have the good sense to want to come back to Long Beach. But you won’t let them because America is “crass,” “materialistic” and “un-Christian.” You can keep your God. We’ll keep your kids. They just showed up on our doorstep asking us to take them in.