Or, how I stopped worrying about fleas and learned to love deadly chemicals

COURTESY of CAROLINA K. SMITH, M.D.

In June of this year, the universe bestowed upon me something probably no one in the world has ever wished for: an infestation of fleas. It had never occurred to me that such a thing could happen to a non-pet-owner. But sure enough, in the apparent security of my own bed, I woke up one morning with bites ringing my ankles and calves.

I did not take this in stride. During the next few days, I discovered that not only were the fleas biting the crap out of me, but that I was allergic to the bites, something that involved each bite ballooning into a seething welt. Sleep became impossible, each night a torture session. I had delusional 4 a.m. freak-outs, like the time where I thought the fleas would leave me alone if I could just become accustomed to regularly sleeping in a full bathtub.

It was clear I needed to do something. I went online and found lots of answers. Like, yes, it is possible to have a flea infestation if you don’t have any pets. And yes, some people have allergic reactions to chemicals in flea saliva and some people don’t. I learned that people can contract diseases like typhus from fleas, diseases that fleas intercept when biting rodents before they bite you.

Clearly, I needed the fleas to go away. But being the happy hippie that I am, I didn’t want such a solution to involve chemicals. I found a lot of people praising the use of boric acid, a common insect deterrent. I bought loads of boric acid and powdered my home with it. I vacuumed from floor to ceiling. I washed all my clothes and bedding. I took oatmeal baths to ease the sting. I tried calamine lotion. I tried anything that didn’t involve heavy chemicals.

Nothing worked.

Two weeks into the fiasco, sometime after denial and anger, I reached the fuck-it stage and alerted my landlords: I need chemicals. Now.

The next day Jesus arrived, toting an insecticide sprayer. Jesus Michel is an employee of a prominent Southern California pest-control company. Not only did he use a sulfur-based, apparently-safe-for-humans material called Talstar to blast those little dudes into oblivion (or at least for two weeks, until the rest of their eggs hatched), he enlightened me greatly with all sorts of flea-related information.

Michel reminded me that Southern California is in the grip of a serious drought. He speculates that the drought is causing all sorts of creatures—like cockroaches, ants, mosquitoes, spiders, and fleas—to be more present this year, out actively searching for water. He said this year is an especially bad one: he started treating for bug infestations in February, when the season normally begins around May. High temperatures can also cause fleas to multiply in greater numbers.

Michel said possums, raccoons, feral cats, and stray dogs commonly carry fleas. If any of these creatures call your neighborhood home, then the chances of you encountering fleas are very high. Fleas can latch onto you as you walk through your yard, hitching a ride into your home. Or they can climb into your house through drains and vents.

Lamar Rush, a coordinator for Long Beach’s Vector Control Program, has a different take on the drought’s relation to the number of fleas out this year. He says the drought may be driving more possums, raccoons, and rats from outlying areas into urban centers like Long Beach in search of water. With more feral creatures around, the number of fleas will proportionally go up.

“Just because we’re in a drought doesn’t mean Long Beach doesn’t have water. An urban environment is an artificial environment,” he says, contradicting the idea that more fleas are out simply because they’re searching for water themselves.

A few Long Beach residents have contracted marine typhus this year, a disease that rat fleas may carry. Symptoms of marine typhus include severe headaches, sustained fevers, rashes, and muscle pains. Though Rush said “you’re not going to die from it,” he admits that individuals with weaker immune systems, like children and the elderly, are going to have a harder time dealing with the symptoms.

Rush emphasized that if a person’s house gets infested with fleas, it’s critical to remove them. “The best way to get rid of fleas is to treat your house and your yard. Go to Home Depot, buy some insecticide over the counter.”

And to those fearful of using chemicals at home, Rush offered a tiny consolation: “California is one of the best places to get insecticides. There are a lot of regulations because of environmental concerns.”

So, two months later, and after a few subsequent visits from my exterminator, my house appears to be safe. Thank you Jesus. And if it isn’t too much trouble, do you think you could make it rain?

Tags: chemicals, fleas, infestation, jesus