Vagina dentata-themed ‘Teeth’ is good, clean fun

The studiously insipid imagery, the ersatz “promise” rings—abstinence-only education was way past due for a camp takedown. What’s brilliant about the vagina dentata-themed Teeth, which kicks off with an abstinence rally led by the dewy Dawn (Jess Weixler), is that the conventions of the horror genre put you temporarily on the side of the virginity hoarders. You want the pretty young blonde to go all the way, but, ugh, you really don’t. Dawn believes that young women giveth something special to the first person they sleep with. At least in her case, though, the young woman taketh away. Cue the first in a series of graphically dismembered penises.

Dawn is a sincere yet charismatic teen who lives in the ominous shadow of a nuclear plant. Every day, she pedals her bicycle to school, where she is mocked by boys who know she spends her free time preaching chastity to adoring preteens. Finally, she meets a young man named Tobey (Hale Appelman) who seems different from all the rest. They go swimming near a notorious makeout spot, and Tobey maneuvers her into a dank cave. He pushes her too far, and snap! The grossout comedy begins.

Before the cooter chomping starts in earnest, Teeth is fantastic—thanks mostly to the wide-eyed Weixler, who seems to set the just-this-side-of-earnest tone for the entire production. (The opening scene, with Dawn as a toddler, isn’t nearly so elegant.) After the first severing, though, writer-director Mitchell Lichtenstein has to up the ante, and Dawn encounters more and more repellent—and less and less credible—sexual predators. Teeth quickly turns ridiculous, but it’s all good clean fun. Bring the boyfriend!

TEETH DIR. MITCHELL LICHTENSTEIN | RATED R | AT SELECT THEATERS

Tags: Film, teeth, vagina dentata