An ideal day at Long Beach State looks like this: free food, beer, and table surfing. It’s a dream circuit for any college kid, a triathlon of guaranteed fun, even a unique date opportunity. Lugging books to and from class is hard work, and class—that’s just a rotten thing to do to someone. When you’re done, you’ll be hungry and instinctively head for the food court. Rookie move, freshman.

You can find free food somewhere on campus at any given time. It’s true. There are literally hundreds of campus organizations recruiting kids with freebies, the ultimate weapon in student interest. Be it mini turkey sandwiches, egg rolls, some manner of finger food, even elaborate vegetable trays—they’re out there reeling kids in like student tractor beams. Be one of those students!

Why, you ask? College Economics 101. It states, “Don’t waste money on food that can be spent on beer at the Nugget.” It’s one of the only on-campus bars left in the state, and not only that—it’s magical. That’s right, magical. I couldn’t tell you what it is, but a 16oz Nugget beer will trounce you like a 20oz shot of Patron. It’s great. As if they know you can’t afford many and share your common goal.

Now you’re full and hammered at the Beach . . . It’s time to surf! Since there’s no water, much less waves, within a few miles of “The Beach,” it’s time to learn your newest hobby: table surfing! You just need a little table and some stairs! You’ll find your equipment waiting for you directly outside the Nugget at the cozy little courtyard. Grab one of the scarred-up tables, hoist it over your head and run down to the stairs leading to the USU. Stop at the top; this is your launching pad. Flip the table upside down and hang it halfway off the first stair. Stand on the half that’s still on level ground. Grab the legs, hang on tight, lean forward, and rejoice in about seven seconds of exhilaration as you rocket into a great memory. If you’re careful not to spin around—which could lead to falling and smacking your head—you’ll live to do it all again tomorrow. The class part is your call.