Our non-comprehensive, 100 percent biased Grand Prix weekend guide

In Long Beach, you either Grand Prix or you don’t. You hop on the Passport dressed in your finest with pockets full of dollars and cigars, prepped to party at our fair city’s equivalent to the Kentucky Derby infield, or . . . you list your apartment for rent for the weekend on Craigslist, take the money and escape to quieter, darker, less rubbery-er destinations—preferably with more parking and less B-2 bombers and beer babes. (Or maybe not the beer babes.) To some, the Grand Prix is our city’s Mardi Gras—our Straight Pride Parade, if you will—but whatever side of Ocean Boulevard you stand on, we won’t judge you. (Well, most of us won’t.) Here are our don’t-misses for all you Grand Prixers, plus some tips for the crankies gearing up to race the 710 out of here. (Good luck.) Ready? Steady? Go!

AT THE RACES
THURSDAY Free is key. If you’ve never been to the races before—or just can’t justify spending your hard-earned tax refund dollars to watch cars go woosh—head down to watch the Tequila Patrón American Le Mans Series bend a few practice laps (part of the Grand Prix’s “free-view”). Free. 3 p.m. & 4:45 p.m. Also recommended: EZ Lube Formula Drift/Super Lap Battle practice. Free. 4 p.m.

FRIDAY More practice laps (Atlantic, American Le Mans Series, Champ Car, Toyota Pro/Celebrity) followed by a few qualifying sessions—Nnneeeerrrm; it’s all the same, right?—but the Champ Car paddock is where you’ll want to be at 4 p.m. for the Champ Car driver autograph session. Pack your Sharpie! 4-5 p.m. Free for ticket holders.

SATURDAY Snooze through the early morning practice sessions—if you can. (American Le Mans Series warms up at 7:15 a.m. Ow.) The Toyota Pro/Celebrity Race—Wilmer Valderrama! Prison Break star William Fichtner! Dancing With the Stars’ Drew Lachey! Toyota dealer Bud Gordon!—is where you’ll want to start your day. 11:40 a.m.-12:35 p.m. Follow it up with the EZ Lube Team Drift Challenge/Super Lap Competition. 3:10-3:40 p.m. Also recommended: Atlantic driver autograph session. Cooper Tire Display. 3:45-4:15 p.m.; Tequila Patrón American Le Mans Series at Long Beach Race. 4-5:40 p.m. (Fun fact: Patrón tequila has 115 calories per one and a half fluid ounces and no carbs!)

SUNDAY You made it! The big day is here. Finally. You know, some fans like to think they can identify a car simply by its sound. We prefer to identify cars by the sound they make when they stop driving. Enjoy some welcome (or not) respite between the Atlantic Series Race (10:35 a.m.-11:35 p.m.) and the Toyota Grand Prix of Long Beach Champ Car World Series Race (1-3 p.m.) courtesy of the Green Power Prix-view, which is slated to feature hydrogen-powered cars and robotic vehicles and other gadgets that hum. (11:45 a.m.-12:15 p.m.) In like a lion . . . Also recommended: It’s tough not to want skip out after the actual Grand Prix, but hold the phone, race fans. Get your full share with the EZ Lube Team Drift Challenge/Super Lap Competition (3:20-3:50 p.m.) and the Speed World Challenge GT (4-5 p.m.).

DOWNTOWN
THURSDAY The Grand Prix might not be Mother Nature’s favorite getaway, but the Lifestyle and Alternative Energy Expo at the convention center gets high marks for showcasing hybrid, electric, hydrogen and bio-diesel cars, plus green products for your home and everyday activities. Free from 3-6 p.m. Also recommended: Shark Lagoon at the Aquarium. Free from 6-9 p.m.; the Prix Party at the Madison on Pine Avenue. Ever dreamed about meeting Playboy Morning Radio Show host Andrea Lowell? How about just dancing to a set by former Nicole Richie beau/boldface name DJ AM? You’re in luck. Also present: DJ A-Swift, DJ Coley Cole, dancers the Origninal Vixens, and body painted models from VIP Bartenders. 8pm. Pre-sale tickets at theprixparty.com. $26-76; buy your favorite driver a drink at the driver reception on the rooftop at Smooth’s Sports Grille (also on Pine). 7 p.m.; lastly, hold on to that feeling at Pine Avenue’s Tecate Thunder Thursday, featuring TNT Motocross demos, Red Bull Motorcycle stunts, car displays and live music by Lights, a Journey tribute band. Free. 5:30-11 p.m.

FRIDAY Fans of Long Beach Architecture: The Unexpected Metropolis, take note: Latin Grammy-nominated producer, composer and arranger Aleks Syntek performs in front of the Long Beach Performing Arts Center—holy panoramic!—during Tecate Light Fiesta Friday. 6 p.m. Free for race ticket holders.

SATURDAY The beer-themed alliteration continues in front of the convention center with the Tecate Light Rock-n-Roar concert (presented by KROQ!). Featured band Pennywise vow they’ll play “loud, hard and fast” for any race fans left unsatisfied by the day’s earlier decibel levels. Free for race ticket holders. 6 p.m. Also recommended: Stick around for the Tecate Light (Of course! Real women don’t drink full-calorie Tecate) Miss Toyota Grand Prix of Long Beach Pageant! After the concert.

SUNDAY Life returns to normal at the Taco Beach Grand Prix party on Pine Ave. with a live performance by Corday. Got nowhere to be Monday? Stick around. Taco Beach offers late night happy hour with $2 domestics and $3 wells at 11 p.m.
ALSO IN THE CITY
THURSDAY Attention out-of-towners! Please enjoy our city’s other gift to you—a show by locally famous bands Soft Hands, Greater California and the Year Zero—and maybe a delicious down-home steak dinner beforehand, too. Tune out the Tecate, drop in at the Prospector, located on the corner of Seventh Street and Junipero. 9 p.m. 21+. See music feature for more information. Also recommended: Beer tasting at Morry’s of Naples, on Second Street between Ravenna Drive and Campo Walk. Don’t miss walking along the canals of Naples afterward. 5-10 p.m. $15.

FRIDAY Didn’t get your fill of covers on Thursday with Lights? You’ll kajacoocoo over ’80s cover band Knight Ryder at the Gaslamp, located on PCH and Loynes. 8 p.m. Also recommended: A daytime stroll through the downtown farmer’s market at Fifth Street and the Promenade. 10 a.m.-4 p.m.; more live music from Agent Ribbons, Voice on Tape and Katie the Pest at Zephyr Vegetarian Cafe (Fourth Street and Alamo Court). 8:30 p.m.; opening night of The Lover & The Dumb Waiter at the Garage Theatre on Seventh Street and Long Beach Boulevard. 8 p.m. $12-20; poetry reading with Christine Swanberg at Acres of Books (Broadway and Long Beach Boulevard). 7:30 p.m.

SATURDAY Hop a cab to Anaheim Street and Gladys Avenue, the cross streets for Alex’s Bar. Feast on cheap beers and muster the courage to join live metal karaoke band KNAC/DC on stage. They play. You make 150 new friends. Free. Also recommended: Dirty Secrets Burlesque show at the Pike Bar on Fourth and Hermosa. 10 p.m.; Post-Race Party at Clancy’s (Broadway/Alamitos) with Wang Dang Doodle and the Joe Show. 8 p.m.; April Fools stand-up comedy show at the Found Theatre (Long Beach Boulevard at Sixth Street). 8 p.m. $10. Beer and wine available; reception for artist James Adams at 301 Pine Avenue (Third Street and Pine). 6-9 p.m.

SUNDAY The Fixed 100, featuring over 30 artists with works priced exactly at $100. At Alpha Cult, on First between Elm and Linden. Open 11 a.m.-5 p.m. Also recommended: Sleeping, followed by mimosas and a bacon, egg and cheese panini at Bouchees Bistro on Fifth and Long Beach Boulevard. Minini $3; regular $6.50.
GET THE HELL OUT!
THURSDAY Good Doll, Bad Doll, a group show at Pasadena’s Armory Center for the Arts (145 N. Raymond Avenue; armoryarts.org)  of works by contemporary artists who work with dolls. Open noon-5 p.m. Free. Also recommended: David Mamet presents a selection of his films at the Egyptian Theatre (6712 Hollywood Boulevard; americancinematheque.com). 7:30 p.m. $7-10.

FRIDAY Peruvian Festival at the Redondo Beach Seaside Lagoon (200 Portofino Way) featuring Peruvian chefs, cultural exhibits, jazz and rock bands, two beach bars and traditional crafts. Also recommended: La Rose Impériale: The Development of Modern Roses at the Huntington Library Rose Garden in San Marino (1151 Oxford Road). Who else hates the smell of rubber? $10-20.

SATURDAY Pig out at the Grilled Cheese Invitational in Los Angeles (location TBA; grilledcheeseinvitational.com). Also recommended: Olvera Street 78th Anniversary Celebration with mariachi music, fresh food and street vendors (olvera-street.com); Monterey Park Cherry Blossom Festival at Barnes Park (350 S. McPherrin Avenue). Featuring traditional Japanese dance, taiko drumming, martial arts, a kimono fashion show and tea ceremony. 11 a.m.-6:30 p.m.

SUNDAY EarthFair 2008 at Balboa Park in San Diego. Featuring more than 200 environmental and quality-of-life exhibits, special health and technology themed areas and vegetarian food! The event usually attracts 60,000 people. Take the the train down! 10 a.m.-5 p.m. Free. Also recommended: The College Dropout tour featuring Kanye West, Rhianna, NERD and Lupe Fiasco at the San Diego Sports Arena. 7 p.m. $60-79.

TOYOTA GRAND PRIX OF LONG BEACH LONG BEACH CONVENTION AND ENTERTAINMENT CENTER | 300 E OCEAN BLVD | LONG BEACH 90802 GPLB.COM | EVENTS BEGIN THURS QUALIFYING RACES FRI | CELEBRITY RACE AND DRIFT CHALLENGE SAT CHAMPIONSHIP RACE SUN | $20-125

Tags: art, champ car, grand prix, Long Beach, Music, thunder thursday