What if your work was all about sex?

PAUL DILLON by SUSAN SABO

For some people, sex is life; for others, it’s a living. We talked to some folks in and around Long Beach whose job descriptions involve sex: selling it, linking to it, spying on it or helping to heal its scars. In one way or another, they’re all working it.

I, SPY
Is that a Jet Ski in Stanton private investigator Paul Dillon’s office or is he just happy to see you?

Actually, it’s a WaveRunner, and not only did you pay for it, Mr. and Mrs. Erotic Long Beach, but it really comes in handy sometimes when Dillon is looking to nail your frisky asses.

Like this one time . . .

“The Pike [at Rainbow Harbor]—I had to launch my WaveRunner out of Alamitos Bay and follow them. They had a boat,” Dillon says, leaning back in his chair, the them being a couple of cheating spouses on a boat. “They made it a day in the water—and it was hard because when you get into the open ocean, you’re getting pounded. Jet Ski’s aren’t made for that. When we were coming back into [Long Beach] harbor, the waves were intense. I actually came down and submerged the front of my Jet Ski into a wave.”

But, there was a happy ending, well, for Dillon anyway: he found our philandering friends on the patio outside Tequila Jack’s in Shoreline Village. Dillon, a solidly-built fellow who’d done all of this without so much as a wetsuit, could play that.

“I could actually film them from the Jet Ski,” he says. And so he did, and though the cheating man’s wife was not impressed with seamanship, she paid anyway.

Long Beach is good that way, usually good for about $1,000 to find out if their guy or gal is going, er, downtown. It’s especially in East Long Beach and Belmont Shore and in the gay community, not because folks from other parts don’t cheat, they just don’t always have the money to hire our man from Stanton.

And their cases aren’t always as interesting.

He’s tailed cheaters in bars, in cars and in restaurants. He’s spied on them at the Queen Mary, Executive Suite and Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf, not to mention the Pacific Ocean.

“[I’ve] followed so many guys to Garden Grove Boulevard just east of Beach. There’s some book stores there,” the shamus says. “Followed one, one time from Long Beach into there and when you went into the back of this place—it was like a love hotel in Japan. There was a glory hole booth minus the booth.” (He’s assuming we know what that means—and he’s right!)

Long Beach has provided Dillon with plenty of clients without ever having to advertise his services, all of which has confirmed his worst suspicions about us.

“Eighty percent of women who think their man is cheating on them are right,” he says. “Forty percent of men who think their woman is cheating on them are right.”

And one more thing: “If you’re going to cheat, remember: prepaid cell phone.” // THEO DOUGLAS

THE DILLON AGENCY 877.889.4217 | THEDILLONAGENCY.COM

OUT OF SITE
Heard about P. through an acquaintance of an acquaintance. The original acquaintance was a guy who had made a lot—A LOT—of money building porn websites. He had also built a healthy fortune by showing others how to build smaller websites that promoted and linked to the big mother porn websites. R.—not his real name, not even close, lots more letters in his name, maybe even an umlaut, you never know—took the instruction and listened while P. advised him that unless your spouse or significant other was totally fine with you working in the porn industry, you should not do it, because he’s seen a lot of relationships—including a few of his—blow up because of it. R. listened carefully and then totally disregarded the advice. He started a side business in linking to the porn websites without the knowledge of his wife. How’s that for dramatic tension?

So, how’s it going?

What? You mean in general or with the website stuff?

Well, I guess the websites.   

Great. There’s a learning curve like with anything, but now I’m able to get that part of my day done in practically no time.

So, exactly what is it you do? You’re not creating porn websites exactly, right?

No, I create small sites that link, or simple links that link to the big pay sites. I use their content, pictures, video clips, with my copy and design.

But how do you make money?

It’s based on how many people my site can direct to the pay site. I get paid for the number of people I send on to them.

Are there any tricks to doing that?

Yeah. When I first started I made the mistake that everyone does. I thought just having some pictures or video of naked chicks was enough to get people to link. But what you learn almost immediately is that you’re competing with like a billion other sites and every one of them has naked chicks. So, what you have to do is learn how to lure people with your stories about the pictures. Or, learn how to package things.

Package?

Like according to fetish or interest. So you figure how to package MILFs, but not just MILFs, because that’s a pretty broad and popular subject, you package them like: MILFs with young guys, MILFs who cheat on their husbands, lesbian MILFs . . .

Sounds like niche marketing.

Exactly.

And you can make a lot of money doing this?

Well, for the time I’m putting in, yes, I make a lot of money.

In the thousands?

Easily. I’d say the tens of thousands. If I quit my regular job and did just this, devoted my whole day to it, I think I could make a lot more. Enough to support me and my family better than I do now.

Why don’t you do that?

Because I’m afraid if I did, I’d lose my family.

Yeah, P. told me you haven’t told your wife what you’re doing? How do you keep it under wraps?

Well, I never do it at home and when I started I made sure to buy a new computer that my wife doesn’t know about. I only keep that computer at work and only use to build the sites. I tell my wife that all the extra money we’ve been seeing is because I got a raise at work.

And she doesn’t question it?

I think she’s happy about what the money allows us to do. And because I handle all of our finances, including doing our taxes, she really has no way of knowing . . . I know this sounds kinda shady, but the fact is I’m doing it for her. It’s not like I’m cheating on her. // STEVE LOWERY

MADAME MCLOVIN
“I am Madame McLovin,” was the text my friend sent me when she got promoted last November.
It was early afternoon when I received it and, in the next message, I learned she was already drunk and celebrating the previous night’s triumph, when her boss had signed the legal paperwork making her a partner at the escort service where she worked.

Lauren isn’t the type of person you’d expect to be organizing pornographic house calls and posting kinky Craigslist ads for under the table cash. In an industry so fixated on physical appearance, my double XL friend is an unlikely asset. But with a seductive phone voice and personality for days, she quickly became the backbone of a stripping company that specialized in “private shows.”

It all started the day she searched the adult entertainment listings on Craigslist.

“I needed a job and thought it would be cool to work on a porn set,” she says.

But the search results didn’t include positions for porn P.A.s. Instead, she saw an ad for a personal assistant at a local “dancing company.” So my friend called the number and left a message, unaware that within the month, she would be working evenings at an escort service.

Lauren befriended the owner, a former stripper who’d welcomed middle age with a few too many Botox injections, graduating from personal assistant to partner. In addition to working on her teaching credentials at a local college, Lauren’s day became consumed by planning the night.

Awake by 10 a.m., a typical day started by phoning the 20 contracted drivers and rotating cast of girls so she could pair up the ones that were available to work. Then she stopped by school or did some homework and by 3 p.m., she was buried in an office at a Fountain Valley business park, posting ads filled with euphemisms and innuendos on Craigslist so that by the time everyone else came in at 8, the phones were ringing.

It’s hard to believe that guys could be entranced by the “Spicy and Enchanting Harlot” that “wants to gasp, writhe and purr with the touch of your skin,” but Lauren claims nice guys and perverts alike would call in to the company, all of whom were forwarded to her cell phone.

Pretending to be the girl pictured in the ad (who didn’t even work for the company), Lauren would giggle and coo until the guy with the hard-on at the other end of the line agreed to book a show. Then, she called the driver with the man’s address, and within an hour, (most) everyone walked away $200 richer.
Lauren treated her job as if she were a waitress at Chili’s, spending her nights off drinking in my living room and talking shit about customers (like the guy that asked her how much she would charge to pretend to be his 4 year-old daughter).

Several weeks after I began writing this story, the escort service folded. After 15 years of satisfying men in the greater Los Angeles area, Lauren’s cohort had a breakdown of sorts and fired everyone, including Lauren (who, according to the paperwork she signed, technically can’t be fired). Without anyone to post raunchy Craigslist ads or answer perverted phone calls, the company soon closed its doors. Lauren returned to the land of the unemployed—and is currently sleeping on my couch. She doesn’t know or care what her former boss is doing, but assumes she’s probably naked, wherever she may be. // SARAH BENNETT

MR. CLEAN
Sidney Cramer has been in the pampering business for more than 20 years, the last four in Long Beach with his Spa Sidney Beauty Lounge and Day Spa, which was voted best spa in the area by a local TV station. Now, you’re asking, what does owning a spa have to do with sex? Oh, honey, c’mon. Have you ever gotten a massage or a wrap? It feels good. Very good. Tingly good, you know what I’m sayin’? And, of course, one can receive treatments at the spa that make you look so much better, you know, smoother, cleaner, sexy time-wise. Cramer knows all about it, because his clients like to talk and he likes to listen. He talked to us about many things, most of all, the Brazilian.

Valentines Day is coming, is this a busy time of year for you?

We get a lot of boyfriends coming in and making gift card purchases for their wives or girlfriends. We also get a lot of people coming in and getting waxed so they can look good for that night.

OK, I was told to ask you about the Brazilian.

Yes, some people get the Brazilian.

That means the removal of all hair around their . . . down there?

Yes, that’s right.

I’ve heard that removing hair there can make a guy’s, you know, it makes, it can make . . . objects appear larger than they actually are.

Yes, that’s right. In fact, whether you’re a man or a woman, a good waxing down there can enhance that area. But most of the people who get it are women. Guys are such wimps.

You’ve had the Brazilian?

Me? Oh no, no, no. Never on myself. No.

I imagine the spa is the kind of place where people are very relaxed and might talk about just anything. You know, things in their relationships.

Yes, absolutely.

Are you like, you know, how we think of a bartender—an amateur psychologist?

Oh, I don’t think anyone takes what I say that seriously, but we do talk, and gossip, about a lot of things. There are a lot of complaints about partners, of course, but there are a lot of loving couples. No matter what is said, everything stays here. These walls are sacred.

I imagine if people trust you, you’re able to talk to them about their bodies, about areas that maybe, you know, need a little work. This is notoriously a sticky subject when it comes to spouses, partners and significant others. Do you have any tips on how you should talk to your loved one about their body?

No, never. All I’ll say, is that if you want to keep getting dinner made the way you like  it, you better keep complimenting the cook. // STEVE LOWERY

SPA SIDNEY 3519 E BROADWAY | LONG BEACH 90803 | 562.433.9665

MAKE CHANGE
Working for the Sexual Assault Crisis Agency sometimes makes for awkward pleased-to-meet-yous, so sometimes you skip it all together. “I say I’m a lawyer—but no one ever believes me,” jokes Ashleigh Klein, Director of Outreach and Education for the Long Beach-based nonprofit. “I’m a grocer,” joins Director of Crisis Services Mary Vasquez.

Because what nobody wants to talk about—or, more to the point, likes to talk about—are the facts: According to the FBI, one out of three females and one out of seven males will be sexually assaulted during their lifetimes. And sometimes, for Klein and Vasquez and their colleagues, it’s OK to not talk about their jobs. It’s necessary. They deal in real-life statistics.

“You find yourself asking, ‘Can I deal with this today? Can I watch this movie without dissecting it?’” says Shanna Holzer, Associate Director. “You don’t want to be at work on your leisure time.” (And if you can’t stop dissecting, says Vasquez, you shut the TV off: “I can’t watch [Law and Order:] SVU anymore.” Adds Klein: “The Accused will put you in crisis!”)

Formed in 1975, the Sexual Assault Crisis Agency (SACA) provides immediate crisis intervention to survivors of sexual assault through their 24-hour hotline, as well as short-term individual counseling; support groups; and advocacy and accompaniment for sexual assault survivors to hospitals, police stations, the district attorney’s office and courts of law. In addition, through their outreach and education programs, they offer presentations on sexual assault; date rape and acquaintance rape; sexual harassment and bullying. Currently, SACA serves 21 cities with a full-time staff of seven and 45 volunteers.

That’s a lot to take home at night—not to mention acknowledging what might happen on your way home.
“It’s a head trip working here,” says Holzer. “You realize how you can lessen your risk [of being raped], but it can still happen.”

Unwinding is key, the women agree: “You must have a sense of humor,” Holzer says. Perspective is too, Holzer continues. “If you focus on the individual you become overwhelmed—’I'm not helping anyone.’ But if you view it as the process of trying to change, that socially we can get better, it becomes a movement. It’s bigger than helping—it’s changing.”

And when the conversation steers toward your job? “We have to teach the people around us,” says Vasquez. Especially when it comes to righting myths about sexual assault. “At work, you’re preaching to the choir. With your family and with your partner, there’s a training process.”

“You give mini-training sessions about your life,” adds Klein. “The difference between us and an average member of society? We get a phone call at 3 a.m. and drive to a hospital.” // ELLEN GRILEY

SEXUAL ASSAULT CRISIS AGENCY HOTLINE 562.989.5900 | TO VOLUNTEER, CALL 562.989.0309 EXT 102 | SACASTOPRAPE.ORG | MYSPACE.COM/SACASTOPRAPE | COMMUNITY DONATIONS PROVIDE 25% OF SACA’S OPERATING REVENUE. TO DONATE, VISIT IGIVE.COM AND SELECT “SACA”

Tags: counselors, detectives, escort services, Long Beach, porn, saca, sex, top-story, work