Nine to five is never a drag when you’re Jewels

PHOTO by JOHN GILHOOLEY

Renowned Long Beach drag queen Jewels (real name a closely guarded secret!) has been performing—as Marilyn, as Dolly, as Tammy Faye and Courtney Love and Mariah, too—since she was 18 years old. Seven years ago, she became part of the Long Beach scene with several weekly shows at Hamburger Mary’s, which later became Mick & Mack’s (which closed last October and which now might reopen—hopefully—again as Hamburger Mary’s). Currently—when she’s not driving to Palm Springs or flying to San Francisco to perform—you can catch her Thursdays from midnight to 2 a.m. at the Falcon, where she’s the party hostess for Body Parts. (Other regular gigs include Lucky Sundays at Tia Juana’s in Irvine and karaoke until 11 p.m. on Thursdays at Hamburger Mary’s WeHo.) “It’s a lot of travel and dedication,” she says. “You have to have a love of life.” It also helps to have a good purse. If you’re curious, hers contains two packs of Benson and Hedges, a Diana Ross CD, autograph pens, “lots of diamonds” and a fan—“for when the girls get moist!”

Let’s start with ‘Why?’
I love the attention. And I love to dress up—whether it’s Elvis, Marilyn, whoever.
Who is the first person you impersonated?
Marilyn Monroe. I was very nervous—it was pretty tragic. It was not done well.
What is one thing about drag queens that people would never guess?
That drag queens are people, too. We get up and go to work and are normal, functioning people in society.
You were featured on an episode of VH1’s Surreal Life with Tammy Faye Bakker, another one of your characters. Have you retired Tammy Faye since she passed away?
I think I’ll always do Tammy Faye. It’s a character everyone loves. She was such an amazing personality. On the episode, I opened for her at one of her book signings. [After The Surreal Life] she actually came back to a church in Long Beach and preached.
You’ve also met Dolly Parton. Is there a strangeness—a mirror effect—when you meet someone you impersonate?
Not really. Tammy Faye and Dolly in particular are such joyous people—they love when people impersonate them. But there definitely isn’t any mirroring!
What’s the secret to nailing Dolly Parton?
A big smile, big tits and a blonde wig. I love her. If you are really into a character, it becomes a lot easier.
Who’s the hardest character to impersonate?
Hedwig and the Angry Inch—it’s just such a phenomenal creation. It takes a lot of work to recreate the costumes and learn the choreography.
Who’s the most underrated drag queen?
An amazing, up-and-coming talent who is dynamic and entertaining is the amazing Tammie Brown. She does lots of stuff in LA—very avant garde. She doesn’t copy what’s being done in drag shows—she’s 100 percent herself. Tammie Brown will take over the world.
Are there any characters out there right now who should just be retired?
I love them all—even if it’s tragic drag, I love it. It’s like bad karaoke—you still support the person on stage!
What about up-and-coming characters? I’m thinking Miley Cyrus.
Miley Cyrus is going to be the most impersonated queen ever—she’s like Tania Tucker or what LeAnn Rimes used to be like—young, country, a bit messy. She’s a big star—there’s 40-year-old queens out there doing Miley Cyrus numbers!
Do you ever perform as a man?
I have in the past, but I put more effort into creating the character of Jewels.
How do you prepare for a character?
I study how they move their lips. Really, when you think about how many years, how many people and how much money goes into turning [celebrities] into who they are . . . to take a linebacker and make it that—it’s hard!
How long does it take you to get ready?
At first, it took me three hours. Now I can go from zero to fabulous in 30 minutes.
What’s the longest time you’ve ever spent in high heels?
Eighteen hours—it was at Easter Walk, a charity event. 10 a.m. to 2 a.m.
How do you recover from a day like that?
I think I just fell asleep!
Ever have nights when you want to go home?
Of course. But you got to do it ’cause you love it. Your fans are waiting in anticipation—you don’t want to let your public down.
Are there any differences between the cities you perform in—Long Beach, WeHo, Palm Springs, San Francisco?
Long Beach is fun and familiar. In Palm Springs, there’s an older audience who really appreciate the art form—and they tip well! WeHo . . . it’s younger, and in San Francisco they just want crazy shocking. The most important thing is to know your audience.
Will you be attending Pride?
I’ll be hosting parties all weekend at the Falcon. Pride is celebrating a big anniversary this year. I think the most amazing thing about Long Beach is that it’s this large, large city, yet has an amazing sense of community—people say hello on the streets. There’s not a lot of pretentiousness. The Pride festival has a lot to do with that, bringing people together. Any organization that operates with a lot of volunteer time . . . it’s amazing what they can do. For everyone to come together and have a good time, with such limited resources, it’s shocking to me. It’s done by people who work their butts off all year—it’s amazing!

Tags: drag, jewels, Long Beach, pride parade