Possessed!
Compiled by Miles Clements

800 BLOCK VIA CERMELITOS, LONG BEACH
FRI | JUNE 1 2:40 PM
Police say a man in his mid thirties was kicking off the weekend a bit too early when they found that he was wanted on two outstanding warrants, one for possession of a controlled substance and one for possession of forged notes. Acting on the warrants, police arrested the subject, who claimed to work in postal delivery, and subsequently discovered that he was also in possession of marijuana and a second illegal substance—Axe body spray samples, perhaps?

FOURTH AND OCEAN AVE, SEAL BEACH
MON | JUNE 4 8:37 AM
A caller reported spotting a suspicious-looking man hanging around and snapping pictures of neighborhood houses. The unidentified man was described as being in his twenties, dressed casually in a dark shirt and khaki pants and wearing some sort of badge around his neck—clearly the hallmarks of a terrorist. It wasn’t until police arrived at the Alamitos Bay neighborhood that the situation was cleared up: the suspect explained that he had cleared his activities with the police. And his terrorist organization? You guessed it: an insurance company.