Man of Pray

15TH ST AND ELECTRIC AVE, SEAL BEACH
FRI | JULY 27 8:34PM
It seems that Los Alamitos isn’t the only city wrapped up in a state of terrornoia—so too is the allegedly nuke-loving Seal Beach. The latest incident occurred when a resident called police to report what he deemed to be suspicious activity outside of his house. Normally reserved for brandished weapons and skulking burglars, this supposedly suspicious activity was actually little more than a man and a woman praying near their car. What made the caller uneasy, though, was that the couple wasn’t praying to, say, Jesus, but instead was praying in a “Muslim manner.” No officers were dispatched to the scene, but a report was collected and filed away with a ranking member of the force.

FIRESTONE BLVD AND DOLANE AVE, DOWNEY
SAT | JULY 28 MIDNIGHT
Acting on what officers claimed to be a stomach full of alcohol, a man got behind the wheel of his car in search of some late-night eats. Heading towards a popular 24-hour diner (let’s just say that he was probably hungry for the Grand Slam), the drunken man drove into the parking lot, where he sideswiped a parked car on his way to a prime parking spot. The occupants of the car—who literally didn’t know what hit them—got out to investigate, when the man accelerated and grazed one of the passengers. Luckily the victim was left with only minor injuries, but the man was hauled off with something far worse—a DUI and an empty stomach.