Ill-gotten swag
Compiled by Miles Clements

10800 BLOCK ALONDRA BLVD, CERRITOS
TUES | JUNE 26, 4:40 PM

Store security guards were keeping close watch on what they thought was your run-of-the-mill suspicious kid—shifty eyes and baggy pants. Their decision proved wise when the kid pocketed some undisclosed merchandise before nervously walking outside. There, a loss-prevention staffer detained the subject, only to have the kid elbow him aside and take off—the ill-gotten swag in his pockets dragging his pants down his legs with every stride.

1900 BLOCK MARTIN LUTHER KING AVE, LONG BEACH
TUES | JULY 3, 5 AM

Residents awakened by an early-morning explosion spotted a man running down the street, his shirt in flames. According to fire officials, the explosion was the result of an arson attempt, as someone poured gasoline in and on a vacant, single-family home, then set it ablaze. Witnesses later reported seeing the burning man extinguish himself in a pool of standing water before getting up and continuing his sprint down the street—his clothing (presumably) rendered somewhat ashen by the whole ordeal. Officials weren’t able to provide any damage estimates, but the home was destroyed.