Tues | May 15 Ten concerned citizens brave rush-hour traffic to reach Long Beach City Hall and oppose the proposed redevelopment of the SeaPort Marina Hotel. They point out that the redevelopment would—wait for it—increase traffic. But before the hearing begins, 3rd District Councilman Gary DeLong motions for a 60-day continuance, robbing the appellants of their long-awaited, hopefully cathartic dénouement. Understandably, they are kinda pissed. One sums it up thusly: “This was us showing up, sitting through awards, then going home.” At least the drive was nice.

Wed | May 16 Eighteen-year-old Samantha Larson steps atop Mt. Everest and becomes the youngest person to scale the Seven Summits—the tallest peaks on each of the seven continents. Larson, a graduate of Poly High, climbed Africa’s Mt. Kilimanjaro (19,340 feet) at 12, or the age I climbed down from the high dive at Warren High to cat calls and a turtled man organ. At 13—the age I finally stopped sleeping with my stuffed Leo the Lion doll, but only because mom hid it under my Nanny and the Professor bed sheets in the garage—she climbed Mt. Aconcagua (22,834 feet) in Argentina. At 14, Larson scaled the 18,510-foot Mount Elbrus in Russia, which is not only considered the tallest mountain in Europe but is currently available for purchase on eBay. The next year she tackled our own 20,320-foot Mount McKinley in Alaska and, in 2005, stood atop the 16,864-foot Vinson Massif, which is not only very tall, but in Antarctica. In other news, I have relinquished all claims to manhood.

Thurs | May 17 Jerry Falwell dies, and speaking of hateful dinosaurs, Laura Schlessinger says she is distraught because people misinterpreted her when she said she didn’t want to hear any “whining” from the wives of servicemen. Schlessinger says she would never say that, and what, in fact, she said in an article in the Salt Lake Tribune (to mostly young women who raise families alone, many times with very little money and no support) is “I don’t want to hear any whining.” For those of you too young to remember, Schlessinger was big when hypocrisy was all the rage, and boy did she live it: she railed against those who didn’t take marriage seriously, but had an affair when she was married and, after she divorced, had an affair with a married man. She made millions telling people how to deal with their families but was estranged from her mother, who died alone, her body undiscovered for two months because no one visited her. She railed against working women with families when she was a working woman with a son. By the way, that son, Deryk, volunteered to be an Army paratrooper stationed in Afghanistan—only because, we assume, the Army wasn’t offering posts on Pluto.

Fri | May 18 Speaking of whining . . . Tim Duncan.

Sat | May 19 State Senator Jenny Oropeza wins the Democratic Party endorsement for the upcoming special election to replace the late Juanita Millender-McDonald in the 37th Congressional District. Oropeza received 119 of the 168 votes cast—71 percent—while Assemblywoman Laura Richardson got 45. Since the district is heavily Democratic, the party’s nominee is considered a shoo-in to win. And isn’t it nice that the two top candidates to replace a Congresswoman are both women? And not just women, but women of color—Oropeza is Latino, Richardson African-American. What progress we’ve made. I’m sure the African-American delegates—virtually all of whom voted for Richardson—and the Latino delegates—virtually all of whom voted for Oropeza—were proud of how far we’ve all come. Now, the importance of this vote to the final result is questionable, since the only thing Democrats hate more than Republicans telling them what do is being told what to do by another Democrat. Still, it is expected to garner additional grassroots help for Oropeza, you know, enthusiastic types to walk precincts and such, which could spell disaster, since the only thing Democrats hate more than another Democrat telling them what to do is another Democrat who cares too much about being a Democrat. Sell outs.

Sun | May 20 Speaking of whining . . . Tim Duncan and the San Antonio Spurs.

Mon | May 21 If you haven’t yet discovered that life is all about balance, consider this: A day after they bury Jerry Falwell—his son telling a packed church to continue the work he began, which means more blaming gays for terrorist attacks and seeing sexual deviancy in children’s characters dressed in fuzzy costumes—today we have a Press-Telegram story about Sunday’s Gay Pride Parade that occurred the same day as Falwell’s funeral. The story includes this passage:

“With a truck decorated like a giant fuzzy bear, Bears L.A. and Girth and Mirth of Southern California promoted acceptance—even within the gay community. Bears—described as large, masculine, ‘cuddly’ men with facial hair—can have a hard time finding a place in a world of shaved chests and toned bodies typical to the gay community, said Girth and Mirth president David Tilton. ‘There’s a place for everyone in the gay community, including bears,’ he said.”

God, I love Long Beach. Rest in peace, Jer-Bear.

Tags: gary delong, juanita millender-mcdonald, samantha larson, seaport marina