Tues | May 1 Reggie the alligator has apparently returned to Harbor City’s Machado Lake, and locals couldn’t be happier. “My chamber board is jumping up and down,” Joeanne Valle of the Harbor City Chamber of Commerce—who knew?—told the Press-Telegram. “Everybody seems to love this.” Indeed, there are again Reggie T-shirts to be purchased online at savereggie.blogsport.com as well as Reggie hoodies, Reggie coffee cups, baby bibs and Reggie braided tantalum suture thread. Reggie first appeared in Machado Lake in 2005, and everyone had a good laugh and began to root for the cute little seven-to-nine-foot man-eater when he continued to elude capture. Perhaps it was because people were amazed that anything could survive in Machado Lake, which is surrounded by oil refineries and freeways—you know, like the Pacific Ocean and the Atlantic Ocean and the Great Lakes. Or perhaps it’s that unique aspect of the human mind that will empathize with those who mean us harm, which is the only explanation for George W. Bush’s reelection—and the fact that a poll later this week will show that Bush’s approval rating is just 28 percent—a fact which is significant for two reasons: one, it’s as low as Jimmy Carter’s lowest rating and, two, some Americans still think Bush is doing a great job. Now, some spoil sports have suggested that this alligator isn’t the actual Reggie but some other mutant supergator, none of which seems to bother Valle, who said, “We don’t care. It’s just something to embrace.” Indeed, and we’d just like to say to our readers UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES ARE YOU TO EMBRACE REGGIE THE ALLIGATOR. LIKEWISE, YOU ARE DISCOURAGED FROM PETTING, RUBBING OR SPOONING THE ANIMAL AS IT COULD LEAD TO GREAT PHYSICAL INJURY. ALSO, YOU ARE ADVISED NOT TO GO INTO MACHADO LAKE, OWING TO THE HIGH RISK OF YOU DISSOLVING.

Wed | May 2 State Senator Jenny Oropeza announces she is running for the 37th district congressional seat made vacant with the recent death of Congresswoman Juanita Millender-McDonald. Oropeza is considered an early frontrunner, and if she wins the August 21 special election it could set off a Special Election-Palooza. As laid out on the Mayor Sam website (mayorsam.blogsport.com), an Oropeza win would open her State Senate seat which could very well be taken by Ted Lieu, assemblyman in the 53rd District. If someone from a local City Council were to run and win that spot, it would mean yet another election to fill the council seat. In all, it would send locals to the polls four times this year, but then again, what do Americans love more than voting? Rooting for robo-genetic alligator monster-mutants and presidents destined to enslave us all? Perhaps.

Thurs | May 3 Will someone please call Kevin Garnett? Please. Someone.

Fri | May 4 The Connecticut state legislature is considering a ban on the use of bullhooks in herding elephants. Now, I’m old enough to remember the days when the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus came to town and there’d be a big parade down Pine Ave. and we’d all laugh at the Press-Telegram reporter they got to ride on the back of an elephant. Well, the days of using animals for our amusement are past—unless, of course, they are lake-bound, hyper-reptilians bent on man’s destruction—a memo someone failed to send to Ringling Bros. Their show still features the kind of pathetic animal acts that make you wince. In fact, it’s not just the acts that make you sick. Last summer I went out to the Anaheim Pond and watched in the parking lot as Ringling Bros. trainers “directed” elephants using a bullhook, which is a nice word—wait: no it’s not—for a short stick with a really nasty I Know What You Did Last Summer hook on the end. Connecticut’s state legislature is looking to ban the hooks, not only because they are cruel to animals, but because they have become popular with parents who home school.

Sat | May 5 A beautiful day in Long Beach, and I invite a friend and his young daughter to stroll along Bluff Park. It’s lovely and breezy as we come upon the memorial statue—a sailor looking to the ocean with resolute melancholy—for those who have died in service to our country, the most recent of whom is announced today: Astor A. Sunsin-Pineda, a 20-year-old man from Long Beach who died May 2 in Baghdad of wounds suffered when his vehicle struck an improvised explosive device. He is the tenth soldier from Long Beach to die in Iraq.

Sun | May 6 Deceptively sunny.

Mon | May 7 My good and somewhat famous friend, Gustavo Arellano, is set to become much more famous over the next few weeks as his ¡Ask-A-Mexican! book hits the stores. Today he is signing books in Pico Rivera before a national tour. The book is getting glowing reviews and is already No. 308 on Amazon, which is amazing since all the other spots are taken up by Harry Potter and/or Oprah—her book club or one of her many personal coaches, cooks, therapists, alligator wranglers. Boy, it just seems like yesterday that Gustavo showed up at the office, a fresh-faced kid from Chapman with an encyclopedic knowledge of The Simpsons. He was, as he remains, an eager student—“Mr. Lowery?” “Yes, Gustavo.” “What’s the difference between soup and gravy?” So curious. Anyway, his book is going to be a huge success and he’s going to be big—proto-atomic-repto-homicidal-on-a-T-shirt big.

Tags: gustavo arellano, jenny oropeza, juanita millender-mcdonald