Tues | Feb 19 Found out today there is an apartment building in Alamitos Beach that is home to 12 sex offenders. That’s right, 12 sex offenders all living under the same roof—which, coincidentally, was the original concept for Two and a Half Men. We didn’t find out about this until KFI’s John and Ken Show brought attention to it and broadcast their show from the apartment complex itself. (I was surprised to hear the pair was so concerned about this, since, like everyone, I assumed they were contractually obligated to talk about illegal immigration every six seconds.) Lest you believe that these are the fun and exciting kind of sex offenders—Pepe LePew, the hilarious rapists from Disneyland’s  “Pirates of the Caribbean” ride—you’ll be sickened to know that these dudes have rap sheets that include rape, lewd acts with a child under 14, sodomy and oral copulation either by force or with a person under 14. And all of this within 500 feet of two day care centers, a bunch of homes and just a hop, skip and an assault from Franklin Middle School. Yeah, it’s pretty much the worst idea since, well, Two and a Half Men.

Wed | Feb 20 Life With Jim would have also been acceptable.

Thurs | Feb 21 Dave Wielenga writes that the Long Beach City Council has been talking about the pros and cons of selling out the city name to corporate sponsors. Councilwoman Rae Gabelich is agin’ it, and said the point of a city is to raise the quality of life of its residents not “selling our soul to be advertising for corporate America.” And, you know, I think I agree with her. Not that it matters. Turns out companies are not exactly lining up to drink Long Beach’s milk shake. Turns out the city is paying a company called Premier Partnerships $120,000 to get some of these sponsorships and it’s only been able to procure a couple of verbal agreements from Office Depot and Charter Communications, which, Dave points out, “already do significant business in Long Beach and might just as easily have been secured by city staff.” Hmmmm. Kinda boggles the mind, don’t it? I mean, one is left to wonder why corporate sponsors would shy away from a city so popular with sex offenders? Weird.

Fri | Feb 22 Blood Diamond: worst movie ever! Which one of you tools said I had to watch this “important” film? I defile your milkshake. Repeatedly. Folks told me this film offered an unflinching look at the harvesting of African diamonds at the expense of human life. That made it sound horribly good instead of just horrible, which is what it was and I mean right from the beginning when we’re given a taste of the genocide and every cruel act of violence is punctuated by some smart-ass remark, you now, like that other important film Die Hard. But at least the movie was about the plight of the Africans, right? Yes, if by “Africans” you mean “a white African whose plight is he really wants to have sex with Jennifer Connolly.” The actual black Africans who do all the dying and who the movie is supposed to be about? Well, their story only matters as much as it affects the white character and it is the white character who, of course, is the black Africans’ only hope. Yes, one shudders to think what would have happened to Africans over the years/centuries if it wasn’t for the constant compassion and vigilance of the white man. Well, a bunch of people get killed and horrors are piled upon horrors but it’s okay because as any Hollywood movie tells you, everything is okay if you get a big standing ovation at the end. And the black African does . . .  from a bunch of white people! Even better.

Sat | Feb 23 More sex protests (your marriage joke here). This time folks are protesting the appearance of Ludacris at the Pyramid.  The protestors don’t care for the words and images Ludacris uses in songs such as “Move Bitch” (coincidentally, the city of Long Beach has approached Ludacris about using “Move Bitch” to sponsor a local dog park). Now, I’m not going to get into the debate of artistic freedom, I’m just going to say that I’m impressed Long Beach State was able to get Ludacris. I mean, a couple months ago the best Cal State Fullerton could do was Stevie Nicks (coincidentally, the city of Long Beach approached Nicks about sponsoring a “Stand Back” bus stop). To be honest, Long Beach State has always done a good job of approaching talent. When I went there they used to get X and Pearl Harbor and the Explosions and a few years later got Soul Asylum when it was a big deal and the lead singer was dating Winona Ryder when she was a big star and that was a big deal, you know, before Ryder committed the unpardonable crime of getting older.

Sun | Feb 24 The 80th Academy Awards come and go, failing once again to recognize the significant cinematic contributions of Miss Connie Stevens. I will say no more.

Mon | Feb 25 No more.

Tags: Academy Awards, Blood Diamond, cal state long beach, city council, ludacris, rae gabelich, soul asylum