FRI. FEB. 8: ON POINTE!

Tues | Feb 5 Super Tuesday is here and Californians go to the polls to exercise their right to vote for whoever they want. They respond by reiterating their love of term limits, thereby limiting their right to vote for whoever they want. Except, of course, when it comes to Warren Furutani, whom locals will vote for anytime, which they have over the last year. Furutani, a Democrat who’s had more elective activity than Barry Manilow lately, finally wins the 55th Assembly seat vacated by Congresswoman Laura Richardson. Furutani has been running in myriad special and primary elections and finally wins the seat with a whopping 69 percent of the vote, owing in part to the fact that the Republicans didn’t run anyone against him so his only opponents were a couple of third partiers and the guy who gets Amy Winehouse her “groceries” whenever she’s allowed in town. Yes, folks love them some Warren Furutani, so much so that they’ll have the opportunity to vote for him again in the June primary and then the November general election after that, at which time he will be crowned your next American Idol.

Wed | Feb 6 Things looking up.

Thurs | Feb 7 Even better.

Fri | Feb 8 Went to Les Ballets Trockadero de Monte Carlo at Long Beach State’s Carpenter Center, which was packed. It was one of the funniest and most amazing things—6-foot-4 studs on pointe—I have ever seen and I’ve seen the He-Man Christmas Special (and now own it on DVD, no lie).

 Sat | Feb 9 Took my son and his friend to “Star Trek: The Tour” at the Queen Mary Dome and had a wonderful time. Big surprise: lots of women. I’d always been led to believe that your “normal” Star Trek devotee didn’t have much time for women. But most everyone I saw was paired up and then it hit me: the tight-fitting costumes, the worship of the Bacchus-like Shatner, the constant desire to penetrate deep space . . . Biggest disappointment: not a single person wearing Spock ears. Biggest outrage: Leaving, I was charged 15 bucks for parking. The pain of that was soothed a bit as my son and his friend discussed, at length and in explicit detail, whether it was possible to poop while upside down.

Sun | Feb 10 Can’t let it go . . . Fifteen bucks! When the woman at the parking kiosk nonchalantly asked for said lucre it suddenly came to me why the Queen Mary is doomed: They are absolutely clueless how to compete. Here they are, in arguably the most competitive tourist market in America, and they expect to attract visitors back after fleecing them for 15 bucks for parking. I took a look at other visitor attractions that the QM competes with in the greater Long Beach/Los Angeles area. Let’s say I’m just interested in pure fun, here are my parking options:

Queen Mary . . . $15

Disneyland . . . $11

Universal Studios . . . $11

Knott’s Berry Farm . . . $10.

To recap, the Queen Mary charges four more dollars than Disneyland. And Disneyland will charge you eight bucks for a pickle and 10 bucks for the water to wash it down. Okay, how do the Queen’s parking rates stack up against more aesthetically driven venues:

Queen Mary . . . $15

Getty Center/Museum . . . $7 (Getty charges for parking, but admission is free)

Descanso Gardens . . . Free

Huntington Library . . . Free.

If you have eyesight, you may have noticed that the Queen Mary has the most expensive parking in each category. If you have a brain, you can see where this would be a problem. That is not to say it has the most expensive parking of any venue. I found two just as expensive:

Queen Mary . . . $15

Dodger Stadium . . . $15

Staples Center . . . $15.

So, the Queen Mary is competitive in this regard with two of the most popular, and profitable, sports franchises IN THE WORLD. How can the Queen lose? Oh . . . oh, yeah.
Mon |  Feb 11 Well, it’s less than a week after the election and I just passed a table trying to get people to sign a petition to put a proposition on the November ballot. The petition was called the Marriage Protection Act. Now, if people were really serious about protecting marriages, they’d do something about the stresses that kill them, couples who have to work too much to keep up with the mortgage and health insurance payments. But, of course, that’s not what this is about. The Marriage Protection Act is about keeping gay people from getting married. Now, if you think you already passed a law like this, you did, eight years ago. Apparently supporters feel that though that law was hateful, it wasn’t quite hateful enough. Look, I know a lot of people who are either divorced, separated or generally can’t stand the sight of each other and none of them have ever blamed any of their problems on gay men. Well, one of them does. But he’s gay. Supporters believe the sanctity of marriage is something holy and should only be entered into by heterosexuals, over and over and over again.

Tags: carpenter center, elections, les ballets trockadero, Long Beach, marriage, Queen Mary, star trek the tour, super tuesday, term limits