Wed | Sept 26 From the LA Times: “Lynwood city leaders thought they had a winner when they proposed a 70,000-seat NFL football stadium in their working-class city. This week, voters punted the mayor and three council members out of office . . . ” Oh, I wanna play! I wanna play! Dig . . . Mayor Louis Byrd and teammates Fernando Pedroza, Alfreddie Johnson Jr. and Leticia Vasquez were tackled by 2,300 voters. The recall vote was hiked four months after current and former council members were flagged by Los Angeles County prosecutors for passing public funds to themselves groin pull. Tight end shotgun formation triple reverse recalled councilmembers tried to block the special election turf toe double pump this is the running back’s second arrest on assault charges bloody stump. Byrd and Vasquez’s seats are up for election on November 6 and many experts will be watching to see if Lynwood can turn the corner after its chronic chafing while attempting to move forward from a period both red and painfully itchy.

Thurs | Sept 27 Heal the Bay publishes its findings on summer water quality and the news is great! And by “great” I mean “depressing and horrible.” Yes, the level of illness-causing bacteria is at the lowest levels it’s been since Heal the Bay began examining local water quality 18 years ago. Of course, the reason the levels are so low is because the extreme drought conditions the state is experiencing means there is no rain water to wash the filth from our streets and yards down into storm drains and into the ocean. So, congratulating ourselves for improving our shoreline water is like complimenting a cancer patient on their recent weight loss. Still, it’s nice to report that Long Beach’s water is no longer the worst in the state. That honor now belongs to Puerco Beach at the Marie Canyon storm outlet in Malibu and Dockweiler State Beach at Ballona Creek. Long Beach water improved from the state’s worst to a sparkling “extremely poor,” so feel free to swim early, often and with your mouth wide open. The local improvement means the water is less likely to kill/transform you into a multi-nosed mutant with super powers and/or anal leakage and more likely to blind/transform you into a half-human, half-animal creature preferably with the head of something adorable, maybe a puppy . . . a puppy who smells danger and poops lasers.

Fri | Sept 28 Today while waiting for my food at Jim’s Burgers, I glanced at a Press-Telegram news rack and saw this headline plastered across the front page: “BEACHES IMPROVE.” I’M NOT MAKING THIS UP. The headline, in a couple shades of blue, was around the size one normally sees when announcing the beginning or end of a war and was, of course, totally bogus. Interestingly, the deck—the verbiage under the headline—was accurate, reading: “L.B., Catalina water still among state’s dirtiest.” So, um, I don’t know what the hell is going on over there.

Sat | Sept 29 I run by for a nightcap with a couple of friends at Limericks, the venerable Second Street bar that is closing its doors after tonight. There are a lot of people in and outside the place but far from a depressing atmosphere, the evening crackles with those things that make neighborhood joints like Limericks so beloved: beer-charged wit and wisdom, young men wondering what you are looking at and men and women contemplating ill-advised sexual congress though they are more likely to go home alone, depressed and strongly considering drunk-dialing the old flame who now lives in the Bay Area. Thanks for the memories, Limericks!

Sun | Sept 30 I attend the Dodgers’ season-ending game, which they lose, 11-2. A couple lessons from that game: I like the young nucleus of players they’ve compiled led by catcher Russell Martin and first baseman James Loney. Unfortunately, pretty much the entire National League West has compiled young talent ready to perform in the majors, and in the case of Arizona and Colorado, already is. Second, next season, do not fall for the siren call of the All-You-Can-Eat rightfield pavilion where fans, for 35 bucks, sit in the outfield seats and are allowed to eat all the hot dogs, peanuts, popcorn and nachos they can. Folks figure they can eat enough to break even but it’s a sucker’s bet, like waterless car wash. You just can’t eat enough. My son and I tried and now my tummy feels icky and my colon feels violated. On the bright side, my spleen and pancreas are on speaking terms again.

Mon | Oct 1 A woman named Mary Ann Bohrer has asked us to pass this along: “A book researcher who is looking for the most gifted psychics in the country would like to interview people from our area who believe they have strong intuitive ability. If this describes you send an e-mail to mabet@att.net.” Happy to do it . . . but if these people are gifted psychics wouldn’t they already know that Bohrer is looking for them?

Tags: dirty, laverne duncan, limericks, long beach water