Tues | July 3 Long Beach Mayor Bob Foster orchestrates the appointment of Long Beach Police Chief Anthony Batts as interim city manager. Batts takes the temporary post from Christine Shippey, who agreed to be squeezed out now because she wants to be back in later. See, Foster was concerned that having Shippey as interim city manager would create the impression that prospective candidates from outside the city wouldn’t be seriously considered. So Shippey’s out—or is she?—and Foster names Batts to replace Shippey, who replaced, until now, her former boss, Jerry Miller, who was city manager until he recently retired. Miller departed a hero, having restored order to the city’s debt-ridden finances. Or did he? A memo written a few weeks ago by Director of Financial Management Mike Killebrew said the city was spending more money than it was taking in and that if “spending patterns do not change, the City must be prepared for reallocations of its available resources and curtailment of planned services.” Duh, duh duuuuuh! That’s right, you can pretty much say goodbye to that crocheted sprinkler cozy the city promised you. Yeah, that and public education. The main contributor to the city’s budget shortfall is a department projected to exceed its budget this year by nearly $7 million. Seven million bucks! Boy, I’d hate to be the guy in charge of that department. I mean, is that guy ever going to hear it from new interim City Manager Anthony Batts! Who the hell is this person, who I would hate to be, since his department will operate $7 million in the red? Why, it’s Anthony Batts, suddenly the former chief of the going-to-be-$7-million-in-the-red Long Beach Police Department.

Wed | July 4 Happy birthday, America! You deserve it. You’re righteous and totally cool. Sure, some of the other kids think you’re a bully and stuck up and a total douche, a complete psychotic with low self-esteem who you shouldn’t make eye contact with; but for all of your shortcomings, like using up all Earth’s resources and terrorizing it militarily, you still can produce Quincy Jones, who I just found out, like right now, nailed Dinah Washington when he was just a young dude. Dinah Washington! What a country!

Thurs | July 5 Just everyone is talking about LA Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa and Telemundo newscaster Mirthala Salinas, whose affair led to the breakup of his marriage. Salinas and Telemundo have come under tremendous criticism for how they handled the situation. For her part, Salinas has said: “I am confident that when all the facts are analyzed it will be clear that I conducted myself in an appropriate way.” So don’t you dare judge her because, apparently, she had an affair with a married man with children appropriately. Thank God for that. Now, I know what you’re thinking: could it happen here in Long Beach, where Mayor Bob Foster exudes a swarthy Victor Mature-like musk (you know, if he fell asleep under a sunlamp)? Hmmm, I’m gonna say: no.

Fri | July 6 Well, the results are in, and with more than 90 million people around the world voting, the man-made Seven Wonders of the World have been decided upon—and, surprise, nearly half of them—three—are in Latin America. They are the massive statue of Christ the Redeemer in Brazil, Peru’s Machu Picchu, and Mexico’s Chichen Itza pyramid. They join the Great Wall of China, the rock formations at Petra in Jordan, the Taj Mahal, and Rome’s Colosseum. Conspicuously absent from the list are the Pyramids of Egypt, which were considered shoo-ins but apparently pissed everyone off with their “Whatever . . . ” attitude (plus, they passed on the very important dinner dance). Other marvels of man’s engineering that missed out were the Statue of Liberty, Stonehenge, and whatever load-bearing marvel supports George W. Bush’s near-limitless self-righteousness.

Sat | July 7 People all over the globe are scurrying to do significant life-type things today. They’re marrying like Moonies—or Jennifer Lopez—and women are inducing birth because today, 7-7-07, is thought to be the luckiest day in many a year. (The number seven has long been considered lucky, since it plays such a prominent role in the Bible, from the seven days of creation to the seven petitions of the Lord’s Prayer to the seven unicorns that carried St. Paul, and all his band gear to Gilligan’s Island, where he converted the Harlem Globetrotters and several robots.) Well, good luck to all of you. Not that you’ll need it on this lucky, lucky day. In other lucky July 7 news, more than 160 were killed in Iraq by a truck bomb.

Sun | July 8 A small fire broke out in the Westminster Mall. Firefighters were called to the scene, but when they arrived they found the fire had died out due to loneliness.

Mon | July 9 Dinah freaking Washington!

Tags: anthony batts, antonio villaraigosa, bob foster