As a kid, I played the game Barrel of Monkeys, a small barrel containing plastic primates with hooks for arms. Basically, you dump them out and perform Simian arm-hook surgery to make a chain 12 monkeys long. Then you stand, swinging the long chain of blue freaking monkeys. The art of the lower purpose.

This season, Barrel of Monkeys makes a lowbrow, low-tech alternative to Grand Theft Auto 4, for instance, for any youngun on your gift list. Though little Billy might miss the opportunities to commit a vehicular felony, to network with prostitutes and mobsters, and to wack a pimp with a semi-automatic, I bet you’ll find him playing with that plastic barrel later, messing around with those charming chimps. The sweet gift of innocence. Save 50 bucks. At $4.50, you’ll make Billy happy with enough left over for a case of Two-Buck Chuck for yourself.

If drinking and playing with monkeys doesn’t grab you, their hook ability lends them to science projects. A nerdy guy in my middle school biology class used two different colors to make a model of a double helix. He got girls after that day. Likewise, it’s a whimsical stocking stuffer for that retro-loving gal. It’s all monkeys these days. Get free drinks! Get women! Get the respect of nuclear physicists and double helix monkey lovers! Hook them from the edge of your Brass Monkey cocktail and enjoy the delightful irony of it all. Barrel of Monkeys, my friend. A barrel of fun.

AVAILABLE AT TEACHER SUPPLIES LONG BEACH 5232 E SECOND ST LONG BEACH 90803 562.438.9472

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