There are many things $80 won’t get you at Tiffany & Co.—a $1500 sterling silver and green jade Elsa Peretti Sevillana wrist cuff, for example, or the 18k gold Jean Schlumberger butterfly clip brooch with pink tourmalines, pear-shaped amethysts and round diamonds, which runs $30,000. But when the government calls to remind you about some unclaimed property—in this case, a long-forgotten-about $80 credit at Tiffany’s, the result of receiving one too many Return to Tiffany key rings after graduating from college—you cash it in, even if it means buying overpriced fancy crap you couldn’t possibly need. Aided by the oh-so-helpful “Search by Price Range” option on Tiffany.com, I clicked through the under-$100 results for gifts for her, gifts for him, gifts for baby and gifts for boss—there weren’t many, though I suppose if I was feeling altruistic (and if my superiors were the golfing type) the two-inch crystal golf ball paperweight would have made a nice choice at $75. Tableware was where I found the most success: From a $60 crystal mini decanter ($75 for the small one) to $25 crystal tumbler sets (Riedel would suit you just the same) to a crystal bowl ($85, with daisies!), the options here were better—if not somewhat insultingly uglier; a $75 porcelain “Holiday” candlestick painted with bow-tied boughs of holly? My great aunt will take the Big Lots! version, thanks. Finally, I settled on the $85 Tiffany weave pitcher, made from Irish Parian bone china. Sure, my cucumber water would be just as happy sitting in a $3 plastic pitcher—with cutesy oranges painted on, no doubt—but, duh, that’s silly. Cucumbers don’t know any better. I, on the other hand, do. Thanks, State Controller John Chiang!

AVAILABLE AT TIFFANY.COM | AND AT TIFFANY & CO. | SOUTH COAST PLAZA

Tags: shopping, state controller john chiang, tiffany and co.