Though it’s long been a curious staple of health shops and the occasional gourmet supermarket, I was unfamiliar with Dr. Bronner’s Magic Soaps until the little-liquid-that-could became the centerpiece of a battle between Germs drummer Don Bolles and the Newport Beach Police Department last year. Following a consented search of Bolles’ van during a traffic stop, a bottle of Dr. Bronner’s Pure Castile peppermint soap tested positive for GHB and Bolles was arrested. Thankfully, the case was later dismissed and the names of both Bolles and the Escondido-based Dr. Bronner’s have been cleared.

Each label on a Dr. Bronner’s bottle boasts the liquid soap’s 18 uses (from household cleaner to toothpaste), but the Biblical phrases—jammed in alongside directions, ingredients and other mishmashed text—make for an interesting read. Sure, “Absolute cleanliness is Godliness!” nearly made the heathen in me recoil, but I was comforted upon discovering Bronner’s is not tested on animals, is 100 percent vegan and is made with organic oils.

There are a number of soaps available (including almond, eucalyptus, tea tree and lavender; bar soaps, too), but I chose peppermint and haven’t been disappointed. Use it for body soap and it’ll leave your genitals tingly—in the good way. Try it as dish soap and your dishes won’t disintegrate. Either way, your apartment will smell lovely. But I’m not quite sold on the toothpaste part. While I agree this can be used in mouths, the question remains: Should it? It sorta tastes like ass—if ass was organic. How many of the 18 uses will you enjoy? That’s for you to decide.

AVAILABLE AT DRBRONNER.COM

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