I bought a Sirius Satellite Radio because there ain’t shit on the regular airwaves, and now I love it so much you’d think I was on their payroll. Everyone knows about Howard Stern, so I won’t say anything about him other than his show alone is worth the monthly rates. But there’s another world that comes with Sirius that is equally awesome. There’s an all-Elvis channel that plays the hits, the not-so-hits, demos and live stuff. The punk channel mixes loads of Minutemen, Black Flag and Bad Brains with a handful of new stuff that might be enjoyable if I cared about punk after 1983. Sirius Gold is home to oldies from the 1950s and 1960s that K-EARTH wouldn’t go near because it’s not a Marvin Gaye/ Tammi Terrell duet. And the Pure Jazz channel is heaven on Earth: unlike the nonstop vibraphone-heavy and vocal-based tunes heard on KKJZ, this station is so raw I can smell Miles and ’Trane doing drugs in the bathroom at Birdland. My girlfriend is hooked on First Wave, where Joy Division, the Cure and Echo & the Bunnymen reign supreme. Siriusly Sinatra swings with the Rat Pack, while Merle Haggard and Steve Earle kick a little ass on Outlaw Country. And do not get me started on Backspin, where Eazy-E/N.W.A, KRS-One, Kurtis Blow and RUN-DMC show sucka emcees what hip-hop should be about. Need a 20-minute metal fix? Try Hard Attack. Mom’s in town and she likes musicals? There’s Broadway’s Best for that. Want a soundtrack to joint-rolling sessions? Reggae Rhythms has you covered. You’re a terrible heathen who’s definitely going to hell? God damn, there are two Christian stations to wash away those sins. Hip-hop benefits most from the uncensored format—as there are no bleeps or radio versions that replace “crazy motherfucker named Ice Cube” with “crazy young brother named Ice Cube.” The scrolling bar of names and titles is awesome too. I never knew how many good songs Jay & the Americans had, but I do now. Lastly, with the NBA season beginning, I can also listen to not only the Lakers, but every freakin’ game going on each night. Being stuck in traffic never sounded so good.

AVAILABLE AT SIRIUS.COM

Tags: howard stern, k-earth, nwa, sirius satellite radio