This Week: Manhole Covers, Disappointed Evilists and Handjobs in the Bushes
Tues | MAY 6 Bad news for beer bums when Joe Jost’s drops Pabst from the roster because of cost. Edging out Listerine and Pruno as a replacement is Busch, which has slightly lower alcohol content and dramatically lower poser appeal. (High Life will also [...]

Mon | APR 28 “Goodbye, palm trees,” reports the Press-Telegram in a story with its first sentence ghost-written by Kurt Vonnegut explaining how a debilitating fungus is about to wipe out a palm-tree population that costs too much to preserve. Replacements for the 2,900 reportedly unsalvageable Phoenix palms infected by fusarium—famous for killing thousands as [...]

This Week: Schoolgirl Underwear, Uncomfortable Symbolism and American Ingenuity

SAT. APRIL 26: GARY WILSON AND KAREN
Mon | APR 21 President Bush appears on Deal Or No Deal as part of the most conceptually unpredictable presidency since Nixon invited a nation to sock it to him and then sent 24,000 troops back to Vietnam for involuntary second [...]

This Week: Long Beach’s race problem, Chernobyl CityPlace and Your Ad Here A$K How!

Tues | APR 15 It begins.
Wed | APR 16 Idiocracy comes alive as President Bush salutes the second-ever papal visit to the White House—the first being to deliver John Kennedy strict instructions for his first term—by sliding over to the [...]

This Week: Potential Nightmare Capacity, Iguana Smuggling and Hell Heat
Tues | APR 8 Historic landmark and restaurant Johnie’s Broiler—mostly demolished in a surprise bulldozer raid last year that received respectful golf claps from developers—gets a new lease on life when Bob’s Big Boy announces a new lease on the property. Although Big Boy has period [...]

This Week: Acres of Books, Slum Futures and Coyotes
Tues | APR 1 Dandy British supermarket Fresh & Easy—with locations in Long Beach, Lakewood and Compton—enters its six month of American operation with crumpet sales somewhere around 70 percent below expectations and a marketing disconnect so severe that the Los Angeles Times interviewed a Norwalk man [...]

This Week: Puerto Fantastico, Grain Aid and Charles Manson
Mon | MAR 24 Steve Lowery announces his departure from The District for Los Angeles CityBeat, depriving adoring interns and possibly several staffers of the surrogate father-figure they’d come to love if never quite know. His replacement (for almost all intents and purposes) is the District writer [...]

This Week: Corpse Guy, Greenpeace, Zombie Jesus
Tues | Mar 18 I am going to tell you to do something now, so get that stupid look off your face. Okay. Go to your computation box and sign on to der Interweb, divulging all personal information as quickly as possible and without so much as a [...]

This Week: Geraldine Ferraro, Horton Hears A Who! and Iraq Veterans Against the War
Tues | Mar 11 A few days ago, Long Beach’s defacto local paper, the South Bay Daily Breeze, printed a little story in anticipation of an appearance by 1984 Democratic Vice Presidential candidate Geraldine Ferraro in Torrance. The story was noteworthy if [...]

This Week: Progressive Wiccans, the Press-Telegram and four-hour erections
Tues | Mar 4 The Long Beach City Council votes unanimously to “reevaluate” the hundreds of thousands of dollars it spends with the Press-Telegram every year, now that the paper will be operated by the publisher of the Daily Breeze in Torrance. But, despite the paper’s drastic [...]