We’ve posted the best essay so far: reader Chick McGee avers that what women really need is (among other things) “Jane Austen optimism and Virginia Wolf realism.” That and “a bar of soap.”

(Note: McGee wonders if The District made up the whole bit about Self magazine declaring Long Beach women unhappy; we found Self’s designation a stretch too–until we spoke with them about their methodology. You can read it in the magazine that hits the streets today or right here from a post last week.)

Contest ends Friday, Midnight!

Tags: body consciousness, despair, fat tires, Long Beach, Nirve, Self magazine, unhappy, women

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Gina 12 months ago 1 point
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what it takes to make a long beach woman happy:

well for me, it would take nothing short of an ideal reality, according to my standards of ideal. a list of demands to be met is below, but first a disclaimer. being unhappy isn't necessarily bad. in a way, it's an important element and impetus to striving for better. unhappiness leads to challenging the status quo, rebelling against the rules, demanding the impossible, changing the world. how utterly complacent and boring and plastic would our lives be if we were actually happy. who proclaims to be happy nowadays anyway except maybe the vacuous conformists who get their book recommendations from oprah and never second guess anything and have all the trendiest products of mass consumption. those for whom I have utter disdain.

the absolute basics for my ideal reality:
1. air that we can breathe without developing asthma or lung cancer
2. the ability to safely stumble home at night after a drink or two without getting mugged
3. the excommunication of all people who don't pick up after their dogs, especially when the dog makes a poop in the middle of the sidewalk
4. a giant carwash tunnel, made specifically for homeless people to walk through to get a quick wash and dry. if we have to have homeless people, let's aim to have the best smelling homeless here in long beach.
5. the return of peasant revolutions. didn't we use to have these in the early days of our country? what happened? i wanna grab a rake... and make demands ... and jolt the socioeconomic consciousness of our community... and then light the couch that's been sitting on the sidewalk for a month on fire.
6. the implementation of the entire policy platform of the green party: this includes full legal and political equality for all persons; elimination of weapons of mass destruction; decentralization of wealth and power; an ecological balance that is sustainable and energy efficient. etc.
7. roads that are reclaimed by bicyclists - we get the wide double triple lanes with responsive traffic signals and reserve a tiny narrow lane on the fringe of the streets for cars... but after about a half mile the piddly car lane disappears completely
8. legalize it
9. and please let the poor hungry rabbit have some trix. i never understood why those kids kept denying the rabbit the delicious cereal that he was trying so hard to promote. they had a whole box full for crying out loud and couldn't share one bowl. mindboggling.

though there are bright moments of happiness to be had in long beach:
1. finding a first edition truman capote book at acres of books for just five bucks
2. anytime spent at fingerprints
3. seeing a woman at house of hayden pull two tomatoes out of her bra, lay them on the counter, proclaim 'these are my tomatoes! you can't eat them!' then put them back in the depths of her shirt
4. the random installations of public art throughout long beach, yes even the sperm sculptures in the east village
5. reading the district weekly. i'm serious. not brownnosing. promise. well except for the issue when debro saad and star harris were on the cover. i mean university by the sea was the upcoming weekend, but their crack story makes cover? certainly not the same cover caliber as cold war kids.

so yeah, maybe i'm not happy. but then again, we're losing lives in an unjust war, the dollar has sunk to new lows, poisons in the ocean are killing our marine habitat, health care is an unaffordable pie-in-the-sky expense, global warming is melting our ice caps and causing extreme weather patterns, i can't afford an alternative fuel car to help, but i can't afford gas either as prices continue to climb outrageously, there's a water shortage crisis, not enough parks and open space and bike lanes, i've seen way too many roaches and insects in this city, i'm quite tired of spam phishing emails, how the heck do these people get my email address when i change it, and i'm even more tired of those blasted email forwards with those words of wisdom and humor, take your syrupy nonsense and shove it. i'm better off being not happy. because ultimately being unhappy is validation that i am struggling. suffering. thinking. being.

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