Chuck Norris’s craggy yet oddly immobile face has been bobbing over Huckabee’s shoulder for weeks and weeks (really, he looks like an ancient Muppet with malignant melanoma). That’s a good thing, because even though his televised image frightens children, we know that if he’s over there then there is little chance of running into him over here.

(I say this because he’s just the sort of “celebrity” that I would run into. After a lifetime spent in the LA area I have spotted: some guy who used to be on Knot’s Landing; Vicki Lawrence [buying groceries at the long-gone Food and Drug in the Marketplace]; Jerry Springer [waiting for a table at Vie de France]; and Stephen Dorff [jumping the line at Nate 'n Al's])

McCain has now bagged his own creepy endorsement: Sylvester Stallone. That’s also a good thing, because Stallone has combat experience, and he’ll end the war, just wait and see. McCain, always mugging for reporters, warned “Look out, Chuck Norris! Sylvester’s coming after you. He’s coming after you, he’s gonna get you, and you’d better run!”

Tags: chuck norris, election, endorsement, ew gross, john mccain, Mike Huckabee, Rachel Powers, sylvester stallone