I don’t care what you claim as your party affiliation–Democrat, Republican, Progressive Wicken–you had to feel sorry for John McCain Wednesday. The Republican nominee for President was forced to go to the White House to accept the endorsement of George W. Bush, which is sort of like getting an endorsement from the guy who invented genital warts. In the worst days of his captivity in Vietnam, I wonder if McCain ever wanted to be somewhere else more than he did yesterday, photographed next to the President Whose Name Should Not Be Mentioned by Republican candidates because, as the Associated Press put it so succinctly, “his job performance rating is at a low point and he is unpopular with the general public.” Which is why on at least two occasions in his speech “thanking” Bush for his support, McCain mentioned that Bush would probably be too busy to be out campaigning with him–”I hope that the President will find time from his busy schedule to be out on the campaign trail with me.” Yes, busy. Where is the President who’s taken more than 400 vacation days (has he surpassed Reagan’s record yet, a little help) going to find any time to campaign? Of course, we know that what McCain was really saying was “I hope that the President will find time to have himself shot into space where he will never be seen or heard to mention my name again. As for today, I call upon all patriotic Progressive Wickens to erase the events of this day from the national memory. You know, like they did with that “Two Coreys” reality show.”

Tags: Corey Feldman, Corey Haim, democrat, District Weekly, genital warts, george w. bush, john mccain, Long Beach, Repeublican, Ronald Reagan, Wicken