I dunno, I guess it’s something about Oscar season that makes me do crazy things: care if Julie Christie is going to win that second Oscar, consider watching a Leonardo DiCaprio film.

And so, a couple days ago, I sat down to watch the DVD of Blood Diamond, a DiCaprio film several of you tools told me was an “important” film and yes one of those tools was my mom. All of these people told me this was a film that offered an unflinching look at the harvesting of African diamonds at the expense of human life and dignity. Sounded great!

So I sat down to watch this thing and about 10 minutes in I already had this gnawing feeling in my stomach that I’d seen this all before. It was about that time that images of genocide and slaughter started but, of course, the cruelty wasn’t enough on its’ own, so acts of violence were punctuated by smart-ass remarks, you know, just like that other movie called Every Action Movie Ever Made Since Die Hard, Sleep Well Bruce Willis.

Well, OK, I said to myself, that was lame, an example of the filmmaker not trusting his subject, but at least that subject is the plight of Africans, right? Yes, if by Africans you mean one white African trying to have sex with Jennifer Connolly. The actual black Africans who do all the suffering and dying in the film and real life? Well, as we know, their plight is only interesting insomuch as it affects the white characters, as we also know that it is only through the intercession of the white characters that black Africans have any hope. Yes, yes, one shudders to think what would have happened to Africans over the centuries if not for the constant attention of the white man.

Anyways, it goes on like this and a bunch of people get killed and horrors are piled upon horrors but it’s OK because as Hollywood has taught us that all suffering, hardship and degradation is acceptable as long as you get a standing ovation at the end. And the black African does–from a bunch of white people. Even better!

I just checked. Blood Diamond is currently 10th on Netflix most popular list and that is disturbing. Disturbing that a bunch of people are renting it, watching it and thinking, “Well, I get Africa now. Seems the white people need to get more involved.”

Do yourself a favor, don’t rent this piece of crap and get any of the Bourne movies starring Matt Damon. They’re exactly what they purport to be: action–and Damon rarely talks. Even better!

Tags: Academy Awards, Blood Diamond, Bruce Willis, Die Hard, Jennifer Connolly, Leonardo DiCaprio