Whizzinated!

MAIN ST SEAL BEACH
SAT | OCT 11
Hunger turned to righteous rage when a local mom and her two kids caught a couple of paramedics dining and drinking in a restaurant bar. According to the woman, she confronted the supposedly sloshed civic workers and chastised them for drinking on the job. Eventually, the Mother Against Drunk First Aid had police dispatched to the scene to talk to the men. But the officers found nothing out of the ordinary—the paramedics worked for a private firm and were off-duty.

FEDERAL COURT PITTSBURGH, PA
WED | OCT 15
Powerful penile news out of Pennsylvania as the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette reports that the makers of a prosthetic penis used to mask illegal drug use are expected to plead guilty in federal court on charges of conspiracy to defraud the government. Puck Technology, proudly based here in Signal Hill, is on the hook for its Whizzinator product, which uses dehydrated urine to dupe drug testers into thinking users have clean pee. The attorney for the local entrepreneurs initially balked at the government’s charges, but quickly realized that “it’s serious if somebody is faking drug tests who is then driving a tractor-trailer or a bus or flying a plane.” Meanwhile, the product’s Web site remains up and running, offering Whizzinators in coordinated skin tones such as white, tan, latino, brown, black and an ill-conceived Neopolitan.