Suitcase nukes vs. ladders

Beloved by idea-dry screenwriters and fear-mongering politicians alike, the suitcase nuke shows up not only in movies and TV shows, but also on the list of dire threats to national security on the White House’s website. Now comes word that such conveniently portable nuclear bombs probably don’t exist, and possibly never did.

“No one has been able to truly identify the existence of these devices,” Vahid Majidi, the assistant director of the FBI’s Weapons of Mass Destruction Directorate, tells the Associated Press. Even if technically possible, suitcase nukes just aren’t worth the effort, when a less-luggage friendly device will give you the same bang for less bucks.

But if luggage isn’t a big threat in the nuclear age, ladders are, as an amazing story from South Africa demonstrates.

On November 9, the Pretoria News reported on a “brazen attack by four gunmen on the Pelindaba nuclear facility”. Pelindaba is South Africa’s main nuclear research facility, and “is regarded as one of the country’s most secure national key points”, according to the News.

So what high-tech wonder did the gunmen use to penetrate Pelindaba’s layers of security?

It is believed that the attackers gained access to the building by using a ladder from Pelindaba’s fire brigade and scaling a wall.

Officials at the nuclear plant won’t say if anything was stolen, but since the police describe the crime as “armed robbery”, the gunmen must have gotten something.

Oddly, this story seems to have gotten no attention in the American media. Only Wired’s Danger Room picked it up. Meaning the public has no idea of the menacing potential of ladders of mass destruction.

Tags: FBI, ladders, nuclear weapons, Pelindaba nuclear facility, Pretoria News, South Africa, suitcase nukes, Vahid Majidi