Okay, you heard it in OC Weekly–but it was all the way back in April ‘05!

“He’s going through the same thing I went through,” [Trent] Lott told the Chronicle, vis a vis the embattled Senator DeLay, who really has had just one hell of a couple of weeks. “If you are a conservative Republican leader from the South . . . strap it on, baby, because you are fixing to get it.”

Can somebody help me with what Mr. Senator Lott might have been trying to say? Because I’m not sure I can wrap my puny mortal brain around it. A helmet? A gun, maybe? Strap on a gun? That’s what I’m hoping he meant: a giant gun, with lots of bullets hanging from one of those sexy bandolero strappy jobs, like the sexy bandolero strappy job on that sexy wee human Sylvester Stallone as John Rambo, and not, say, a giant dildo like the thing from Seven, which is what it sounds like he was talking about, but that would be wrong. There’s lots of places—and I believe Congressman DeLay’s home state of Texas is one of them, and now that I’ve Googled it, I find that as usual I’m right—where dildos are illegal, so I hope that wasn’t what old Trent had in mind.

You heard it here first: Trent Lott, in addition to pining for the good old days of segregation, advocates getting reamed with illegal, obscene devices. In men’s bottoms!

I win!